We might all remember two thousand and nine
As the year that gave bankers a large warning sign
'Cause these ghostly, pale-faced, banking buffoons
Had dished out much money using gigantic spoons

The bankers were worried with really good reason,
Cause they'd lent all their money in the lending season
So as quickly as they'd had just doled out all their cash
They switched off their taps to protect their own stash.

Billions of rands had been lent without any heed
And bankers were worried, they were worried indeed.
They closed down their vaults, stopped lending their cash
And all bond applications were declined in a flash.

As a result of this mess, estate agents faced
A banking environment that was a disgrace
The bankers had turned their lending taps off
And left all estate agents alone in a trough.

There were houses to sell, great bargains too
But the bankers out there, they just wouldn't approve
A bond, so the agents could not sell a thing
Except for some cash or grandma's big ring.

So the property market fell into its gorge
Without a bridge or any method to forge
The great gaping hole left by mean, stingy banks
Intent on trying to refill their cash tanks.

There were houses for sale that no one could sell
And many great bargains in which you could dwell
If only the bankers would give you a loan
So you'd finally live in a home of your own.

The property market was really a mess,
Much worse than that it was truly depressed
And so were the agents, those poor simple folk
Whose bond applications were seen as a joke.

But then all our agents are a feisty old lot
And they'll give it their all, give it all that they've got
If the property market that had simply dried up
Then they'd make some more money from next year's World Cup

What these clever agents now set out to do
Was let out home rooms to those tourists who
Would come to South Africa in June or July
Spend all their money and away they would fly.

These clever agents, you must understand
Like most South Africans will always make a plan
And so their new letting schemes were soon underway,
So that tourists could rent furnished houses by day.

After all we'd been told there were not enough beds
Unless homeowners and agents rented rooms out instead
For the thousands of tourists who were bound to rock up
In South Africa to watch FIFA's Football World Cup.

Homeowners, say agents, now have a new way
To make money from rooms that are empty by day.
The owners themselves can bunk up, stay with friends
And let foreigners rent homes until 2010 ends.

Two people can share a bedroom you know
And at two thousand each that's a huge pile of dough
What it means is that each owner makes a tidy amount
Of dollars for which they need never account.

You see our own taxman will never really know
When exactly those tourists will come and then go
How could they sit down to trace those cash transfers
Paid for eight lovely days in a home that is yours.

The World Cup next year lasts for forty two days
We can all make some money in so many nice ways
And while you're at it, remember, it's true
to pay your agent the commission that's due.

So as we look forward to the splendid New Year
Filled with tourists who just can't wait to get here
We'll be able to fleece them with prices so high
And then as they leave, wave a cheery goodbye.

There's one small thing a shrewd homeowner knows
That an agent might rent your home to yobos
Who'll break your fantastic 42 inch TV
'Cause England's just lost to Germany.

So think really carefully before you decide
To let foreigners stay in your home where you've tried
To keep all those treasures you've collected with care
For your children, grand-children and nephews to share.

While letting your house seems a fantastic idea
The reality is that you must really take care
Check the people you're hosting, get references too
Otherwise you might find that they will fleece you.

But if you are careful and these warnings you heed,
You might find the New Year is blessed indeed,
Let's hope that it's filled with good fortune and kisses
From those that you love, let me add my own wishes.

For peace, prosperity, tranquillity and quiet
For an end to every service delivery riot
So that we can all live in humane harmony
With our neighbours, our friends, our community.

Paddy

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